SAMAD SHIKHI - PROTECT MY SON

Chapter 1

It was 9 o'clock in the morning when a knock began on the door. Konul left her work midway in the kitchen and went to the door. The one who knocked on the door was his eldest son Gadir. He was going to work together with his wife Vafa, so they brought their daughter Sabina to her mother to take care of her. On days when they had a lot of work, they would take the child to either Gadir's or Vafa's mother so that they would take care of their grandchild for them that day. Because of the quarantine regime, they could not leave the house anyway. And what could be better than spending their time together with their grandchild?!

As soon as Sabina entered the house, she ran into her uncle's room, jumped on him and woke him up. Rustam always slept deeply, but every time he sensed Sabina approaching, he would wake up, hold her in his arms, and give her a tickle.   Sabina's adorable smile made it tough to fall asleep.   He would take her in his arms, go out of the room, find his mother in the kitchen, and watch what she was making.   While Konul was setting the table, Rustam was washing his hands and face and would wake up his father. He would rather leave this task to Sabina as well.

Samir was going to get ready and go to work, and Rustam was going to work from home due to quarantine. He had been doing his job from home for several months now. Although it was boring for him, he couldn't do anything else. Sometimes, when he had the opportunity, he would gather somewhere with friends, and on days when he could go out, he would meet Narmin and spend 1-2 hours. They had no idea when the quarantine would end and when they would return to their normal lives. Though they initially believed it would end quickly and not drag on for long, as time passed and the number of infections increased, they realized that they would have to endure this life a bit longer. Plans to get engaged and get married were delayed because of this.

After eating together, he went to his room, turned on his computer, and started working. After doing some work, he called Narmin and talked to her. Narmin knew the family well; she had met them several times and had visited their home as a guest, likewise, Rustam had also met Narmin's family once. Before the quarantine, they told their families about their relationship and introduced each other to their families. When Sabina stayed with them, Rustam sometimes took her along and brought her to the meetings. She got along well with Narmin, and as soon as she saw her, she would leave her uncle and spend the entire day with Narmin.

As soon as she learned that Sabina was there, she asked to call her on the phone and began to chat with her. She said she couldn’t come because of her heavy workload and expressed regret that she wanted to see Sabina.

Tired of working at home, Rustam's fun was to go to the market and wander among the shop windows. Sometimes he would run into someone among the neighbors, and they would briefly exchange information about the events happening in the neighborhood before going their separate ways. Fortunately, the number of people infected with the virus in the region where they lived was small. For this reason, the number of deaths was negligible. The only one he remembered was Aunt Sona. She was just looking for an excuse to die, and used a virus infection as a pretext for her death. Her relatives couldn’t even attend her funeral. They were not able to mourn. Many of the neighbors found out weeks after her death and called to offer their condolences.

No one from the house had either contracted the virus or been at risk of infection. Although they had been suspicious of Gadir at one point, after he took the test and it showed he was not infected, they felt relieved.

They were more concerned about Sabina than about themselves. Their bodies could become accustomed to the virus, or even if they were infected, it might not have serious effects, but it was more dangerous for the child to get infected. This is why there was an argument at home when Rustam took her out to the city. This is why there was an argument at home when Rustam took her out to the city. Neither Gadir nor Vafa wanted Sabina to be taken anywhere without them. They thought that Rustam might not be careful, might catch the virus from someone or from some object, but Rustam always approached the situation with special care. Even when they met with Narmin, she wouldn’t kiss Sabina.

The person who felt the most stressed at home was Konul. In addition to the difficulties of being a housewife, not being able to go outside was also suffocating her. She and Samir have been arguing frequently lately, creating disputes over every trivial topic. She didn’t meddle much with Rustam. Since he usually spent his day in his room, they would meet and chat from meal to meal. Even though he wanted to help when he had free time from work, he would be scolded and sent back to his room. Rustam was also not very eager to do household chores. Sometimes he would help with washing dishes, but he wouldn’t get involved in additional tasks. He would only tidy his room once a week to avoid creating extra work for his mother. He saw interfering with his mother’s tasks as an intrusion into her authority. Her life consisted solely of her home, and this was her domain of control. She saw someone else interfering with her as a threat. Determining the location of objects was an important task for her that only she should handle. When Gadir and Vafa visited them, she would not let Vafa do any work at home so that she wouldn’t mix up the locations of her things. Since Rustam understood this, he wouldn't interfere with her mothering. She wouldn’t want Rustam to pour his own tea or Samir to serve his own food, as this was her job. Gadir, however, would do whatever he wanted at home without paying attention to his mother's character. When he was at home, he would scold Rustam by saying, "get up and do the work yourself." He had also shared the household chores with Vafa.

The quarantine didn’t have much of an impact on Samir's life. He was still a quiet, mild-mannered person. In arguments with Konul, he would choose to be the listener, and at the end of the conversation, he would say that he agreed with her opinion, trying to close the topic. This sometimes made Konul even more frustrated, but in the end, getting what she wanted would calm her down. Lately, although Samir seemed unhappy besides being calm, he didn't tell anyone the reason.  Although everyone thought it was due to work or the quarantine, no one considered that there might be another reason.

Chapter 2

Narmin, seeing Rustam arrive, put her phone in her pocket and walked towards him: "If you had come a little later, the police would have come and taken me away, saying that your time was up."

“Sorry, I went to the office, so my work took longer.”

“Does anyone come to the office?”

“Yes, 2-3 people do, they have permits or their homes are nearby, so they come and stay. It's an empty office. Our house is not close, otherwise I would go.

“These days, I’m afraid to go outside. I’m worried something might happen in the city.”

“Why?”

“They're saying there's going to be a war. Everyone says there are secret preparations going on. Probably, it will happen. There are also increasing reports of sabotage in the city. I go out cautiously.”

“Nothing will happen, relax.”

“What if something does happen? If there’s a war, they’ll take everyone. Maybe even you. Okay, since you haven’t been in the military, they might leave you till the end, but if they take you, what will happen?”

“I do not know,” Rustam smiled.

“What do you mean you don't know?”

“When they come to take you, my opinion won’t matter. I don’t think they will listen to what I say.”

Even though Rustam didn’t show it, he knew he was scared. He was making jokes and trying to change the subject so that Narmin wouldn’t understand. Her father hadn’t sent either Gadir or her to military service. Even though Gadir had overpronation and had paid a bit more to get an "unfit for duty" label, Rustam was fully fit for military service, he had prevented him from going to the army. Rustam was not in favor of bribing, and the amount they had paid was quite significant. He was in favor of going to the army rather than giving the money, "Give me the money, I'll put it in the bank. By the time I return from the military, the interest will increase, and I can spend it when I get back." But his father was adamant in his decision. He was afraid that something might happen to them, that if a war broke out, they too would be taken. At the time, Rustam had blamed his father, but now he realized how right that decision was. He was glad he hadn’t gone to the military.

The talk of war was on everyone's lips in the country. The clashes at the border, protests, and the public's desire for war all indicated that a conflict was imminent. Friends from the regions mentioned in conversations that preparations were underway, trenches were being dug, and weapons were being transported. The fear and anxiety of those who had witnessed and lived through a war were very different from those who were born after the war. Young people who hadn’t yet lived in the border regions or heard the sound of gunfire were more fanatical about the war. The fear of those who had experienced the war was the dread of returning to those days and reliving them. Moreover, this time, it wouldn’t be them but their children who would go to war. Perhaps 30 years ago, people who knew each other and had become enemies were the ones fighting, but now it would be young people who had never met or seen each other who would be at war. If they met and talked, maybe they would find common ground, but they hadn’t been given that opportunity. Their first encounter would be on the battlefield, where it would be the last meeting for one of them.

After walking around for a while, Rustam and Narmin had to say goodbye. Rustam was going to stay at a friend’s place that evening and didn’t want to go empty-handed. He went to the market, picked up a few things to eat, grabbed some beers, and went home.

Rustam’s absence worked in Samir’s favor. He could no longer bear it and wanted to share his secret with someone. As soon as he learned that Rustam wouldn’t be home, he called Konul and told her that there was something he needed to talk to her about. Konul had been waiting for this moment, hoping to finally learn what had been bothering her husband for so long. She poured a cup of tea for Samir and sat beside him.

“I don’t know how to begin. In fact, this issue has been on my mind for several months, I was waiting for the right time, but I can see that the situation is only getting worse. Because of Samir’s attitudes,” Konul had once thought that he was hiding an illness, but she hadn’t paid much attention to it. Now, as she felt that her suspicion might be true, a wave of anxiety washed over her.

“Maybe it’s time to say it!  What’s going on?”

“Nothing happened to anyone. They just reminded us of a reality we had forgotten while waiting. The worst part is that there’s no escape now.”

Konul didn’t understand anything Samir was saying and was trying to make sense of his words.

“Rustam… Or rather, Aram.”

Konul already understood what the topic was about. Therefore, Samir, said nothing more and remained silent. For minutes, Samir stared at the family photo on the shelf, while Konul looked at the cup in front of Samir.

“Don’t let your tea get cold,” Konul broke the silence.

Samir took a sip of his tea and continued: "Do you remember Saleh? He called me once. Vagif had found him, talked with him, and mentioned me but didn’t say anything about Aram, he just said that he was looking for me and wanted to reconnect. Anyway, Saleh called me first, asking what he should say.  I didn’t know how to respond.  I made an excuse, saying I was busy and would call him back, and spent a few hours thinking about it. I was going to talk to you about it, but first I wanted to handle it myself, to see what it was about and what they wanted, and then I would tell you. Anyway. I gave him my number, and we talked.  He asked how I was, asked about you, and then brought up Aram. At one point, I considered telling him that Aram was dead to get rid of the situation, but then I thought that would be unfair to him. And then it turns out they hadn’t had any children. I spoke to him a little. I told him about what he’s done, how he’s grown up, and what he’s been through. He said he wanted to meet and get to know him, I tried to explain that this was a difficult, almost impossible matter, but they confronted me with the fact that Aram is his son. He is right. I just didn’t know how this would be. And then, with the events in Tovuz and the new war tensions, things got even more complicated. I explained to him that we shouldn't talk anymore until things calm down. They’ve tightened security now. And if they find out that we’ve been in contact, they might cause problems for me. At this age, I don’t want to end up in prison. This situation could also pose a danger to Rustam's life. That's why he agreed… He's waiting…

“What will happen now?" Konul listened patiently, though she could hear her heart pounding.

“I don’t know. We need to talk to Rustam.  He needs to know this.”

“But how are we going to tell him that his parents are Armenian?”

“So, what if they are Armenian? We used to live together once.”

“But now we are enemy nations.”

“I haven’t taught him enmity, so he wouldn’t see them as enemies. Besides, they are his family.”

“We are his family.”

“Konul, I don’t know what to do. Don’t start now. If only things would settle down.”

“If only what? Then we’ll just hand him over and say, 'Here, take your child'?” Konul was getting angry.

Rustam might not have been her biological son, but she had raised him and taken care of him. She had never treated him any differently from Gadir. Whatever she had she had shared equally with them. Now she wondered what would happen if he left. They might be his real family, and they might not be to blame for being distant from Rustam, but that wouldn’t change the fact that she was his mother. He was not Aram; he was Rustam.

“I don’t know what to do or say.  I told you because I want your opinion too.  Don’t make this harder for me.  Enough people are doing that already.  Guide me.”

“When should we tell Rustam?”

“There's no point in delaying it any longer. We should tell him and let him make the decision.

Chapter 3

The number of people in front of the building was continuously increasing. Despite it being a Sunday, people from outside were also coming. According to the new rules, buses didn’t run on the last days of the week. The quarantine was still in effect. With the start of the war, a state of emergency had also been declared in the country. The situation in the country was uncertain. Because of this, those who had come either used their own cars or took taxis.

Samir and Rustam were also in the courtyard, but standing in different places, waiting for the car that would bring the martyr. The martyr was Shamil. Shamil was a resident of the neighborhood. A few days before the war began, he had been taken under the pretext of training, and after the war started, news of his death had come. He was the first martyr from their region, so there was a lot of attention and interest. As soon as the people saw the cars approaching, they started shouting slogans, clearing the way for the car to enter the courtyard. Shamil's father was nowhere to be seen, while his mother could barely stand on her feet.  Neighboring women were holding her up by the arms.  As the car entered the courtyard, Shamil's father was helped out of the building.  He could hardly move.  Rustam noticed the robe his mother was wearing.  It was so old that parts of it were torn.  Again, everyone started shouting, “Martyrs never die, homeland is indivisible.” The surrounding police were preventing people from recording.  They approached those who were recording and asked them to delete the videos. 

After the family said their final goodbyes to their son, the coffin was placed back in the car and taken to the cemetery.  People crowded into the waiting bus.  As Rustam was boarding the bus, he saw his brother approaching from afar and stopped. He boarded the bus with him and squeezed into a corner.  No one spoke during the ride. Even though those sitting next to each other whispered something, it was impossible to make out what they were saying. Rustam remembered their childhood. Playing football in the neighborhood, running together to the computer salon—these were some of the memories of Shamil. After the funeral, Rustam and Gadir took a taxi and went home. Samir and Konul were waiting for them.  It was time to talk.

“Sit down, there's something I need to tell you.”

They looked at each other, then sat down in front of Samir without saying a word.  Konul also sat down beside Samir to support him, remaining silent.

“Honestly, I don’t know what to say or how to say it.  Especially, at this time, it's very difficult for me to bring this up.”

Gadir, unable to hide his unease, shifted in his chair: “What happened?  Maybe you should just say it straight out.”

“Listen to your father. This isn't an easy matter for us.”

The silence was broken by Samir: “I don’t know where to start. It's probably best to tell you everything from the beginning so you can understand it yourselves…You were just children at the time. Gadir was about 4 or 5 years old, and Rustam had just turned one. The conflict had just started to flare up.  The wealthy Armenians in Baku had already left. We had a family friend named Vagif. His wife was named Rita. They also had a son. His name was Aram. Our relationship was such that we were together every day. We would either gather at their place or at ours for meals. The situation escalated to the point where they had to leave. By then, homes were being attacked, and those who didn’t leave were being subjected to violence. At first, we tried to hide them, hoping that someone would intervene and the situation would calm down. But things didn’t go as we expected, and in the end, we decided they should leave the country. We thought they could stay safe abroad for a while and return once things settled down. However, traveling was risky for Aram. He couldn’t go directly; they would have to change transportation multiple times. Due to the weather and road safety concerns, they were hesitant to take Aram with them. We suggested that they leave Aram with us for a while, thinking that things would calm down and they could return to get him. In the worst case, we could take him to them…” The room fell silent. ‘Get me some water,’ he said to Konul. She got up, filled a glass with water, and brought it to Samir. Rustam and Gadir waited to see where the conversation was headed. There was an Armenian acquaintance, and a child named Aram, whose fate they still didn’t know.

“They thought about it for a while, but since there was no other option, they agreed to leave the child with us. But nothing went as we had planned. The conflict didn’t end, and they couldn’t return, nor could we take Aram to them. Because of the child, we also had to move, eventually, we sold our home and moved here.”

“What happened to Aram?” Rustam asked.

“We kept him with us. At first, we tried not to show him to anyone, hoping that we could eventually return him to his family. But as the child grew, the problem grew with him, so we officially registered him as ours and raised him as our own son.”

“What do you mean? And then what?”

“The ‘then’ does not actually exist,” Samir looked up at his sons and smiled. “I didn’t treat him any differently from my own son, nor did I let him feel otherwise. I named him Rustam and called him my son,” he made eye contact with Konul and corrected himself, “we called him our son."

“So, I… Did I understand correctly?” Rustam’s face turned pale, and his eyes widened as he looked at Samir.

“Yes. You are Aram, the son that Vagif entrusted to me. The main question you would ask now is, why I tell you this after all this time?”

“That’s a good question,” Gadir said.

“There are two reasons. One, I was going to have to tell you sooner or later. The other is that I’m now being forced to.”

“Forced?” Gadir asked, “Because of the war?”

“Yes, in a way. But even if this hadn’t happened, I would have had to tell you because of the war,” after drinking some water, he continued, “it was a few months ago. An old friend called me, saying he had met Vagif in Moscow and that Vagif had asked for my number.  Of course, he didn’t mention this topic, just said he wanted to reconnect. We talked. They miss Aram, but we didn’t know what to do or what would happen next. Then the war threat arose, and we cut off contact, afraid that we might be monitored. I was scared, both for myself and for what might happen to Rustam. After the war started, I waited for it to end.  But after what I saw downstairs today, I thought it was finally time.”

Rustam still hadn’t gotten over the shock. He just stared, motionless. Whether he was even breathing wasn’t clear.

“Rustam…”

Rustam suddenly stood up, left the house without saying a word, and quickly walked away. Konul got up, intending to follow him, but Samir stopped her.

“Leave him alone. He needs to be alone to come to terms with this truth and think things through. It’s not easy to accept, but we need to support him too.”

He turned to Gadir and repeated, “We need to support him too.” Gadir looked at his father and, trying to lighten the mood, asked, “So, where did you get me from?”

“Don’t get your hopes up, no one’s coming for you,” Samir smiled and said.

“I never taught any of you hatred or enmity. I didn’t want you to go to the army for this reason.  There’s no fault in you going, but I didn’t want to put you in such a situation today. I didn’t want you to face people you had never seen or known.  I didn’t allow you to gamble with your lives.  I did everything I could. I knew Vagif better than anyone. Okay, it is true, I don’t know what he did or how he lived after he left, but I am someone who saw what kind of person he was.  It wasn’t just Vagif; we had many Armenian friends like him. Those who started the wars and made us enemies don’t live in apartment buildings like ours. They don’t have coffins arriving at their courtyards. They don’t worry about whether their children will be able to return, and if so, in what condition.”

Samir was overwhelmed. Though he wanted to cry, he held back. He couldn’t stop the tears that streamed down his face. He let it all out. They could fall wherever they wanted.

“Rustam is your brother, and he is our child.  Regardless of what he thinks or what decisions he will make in the future, this reality won’t change.  Today, as a family, we must be by his side. He shouldn’t distance himself from us or feel like a stranger.”

Though they awaited a response from Gadir, he had no intention of breaking the silence. Both of them stared at him, waiting.

“What will happen after the war? Will Rustam leave?”

“I don’t know. The answer to this question is with Rustam. I don’t believe Rustam knows the answer right now either.”

“Who else knows this?”

“No one.”

“Good. No one should know. Vafa as well.”

Gadir stood up.  He had something to say but didn’t want to say anything; he also needed time to think.  Without saying a word, he left the house. The husband and wife looked at each other, but it seemed that they, had run out of things to say as well.

Chapter 4

Rustam didn’t come home for two days. Since Samir couldn’t bring himself to call and ask, he told Gadir to call and find out. After learning that Rustam was staying with friends, Samir was relieved that there were no problems.  Two days later, he came home at night. When Konul heard the sound of the door, she woke Samir, but Samir simply lay back down and went to sleep again.

If he had intended to talk, he would have stayed at home until morning; if he didn’t, it meant he came only to pick up something. Since he arrived at night, it meant he didn’t want to see anyone. 

Although Konul expected he would leave, he didn’t go out after Rustam entered his room. When Konul woke up, it was already 7 in the morning.  She rushed to Rustam’s room.  When she saw he was in the room, she didn’t know what to do out of joy. She wanted to run and hug him but didn’t want to wake him up. She happily returned to the room and woke Samir: “Rustam is in his room.”

Samir opened his eyes, looked at Konul.  After a few seconds, smiled and closed his eyes again.  Though he wanted to sleep, realizing he wouldn’t be able to, he got up. After washing up, he went to the kitchen and waited for Rustam to wake up. It was almost 10 o’clock when they heard noise from inside. Rustam got up, went to the bathroom, and after coming out, went to the kitchen and greeted them with “Good morning.” Konul poured tea for him and sat next to him. All three looked at each other, waiting to see who would start the conversation. 

“Are you okay?” Konul asked.

“Yes,” Rustam replied with the briefest answer.

“We understand that we’ve put you in a difficult situation, but rest assured that we are with you,” Samir said, struggling to find the right words. 

“I can’t choose which is harder for me: the people I’ve considered family for years are not my family, or that one of the people I’ve known as an enemy for years is now killing my actual relatives in the war.”

“Firstly, we still consider you family, and that won’t change regardless of what choice you make in the future.  Secondly, we have never taught you enmity.  We knew that one day a situation like this would come.  We wish it hadn’t, and we wouldn’t have separated you from your family, but this was the most correct choice to make.  Society and the environment might form opinions about us involuntarily, which we might not have been able to prevent, but we have tried to ensure that you are not influenced by such thoughts in every conversation we’ve had with you. 

“My friends are dying, and perhaps those who are killing them are my relatives, or conversely, the people I consider friends and relatives are now killing my real relatives in the war.”

“We don’t have the power to prevent this. To remain pure in this world is a heroism in itself.  We have strived for that.  We have not sullied ourselves or you.  We didn’t use enmity as a political tool. We could have kept you with us, but we offered it, not them. Or we could have handed you over to the state after they left.  We would have been unaware of the consequences.  We had to sell our home and start from scratch with documents for you. We hoped the war would end and that we would return to our old days, but it didn’t happen. Since it didn’t, we loved you as our own child.  Maybe at some point, we’ve made it felt? Or have we separated you from Gadir?”

Rustam smiled and said, “When I fought with my friend, he called me an Armenian.  That’s why I beat him up.  I’ll go and apologize to him,” Samir and Konul laughed along with him. “What will happen next?” he asked.

“You will decide what happens next”

“I don’t know either. I don’t know what to do or say. I was thinking yesterday that I wish I didn’t know. If you were in my place, what would you do?”

“I would get to know them. That’s their right as well. After that, I wouldn’t think about it.” “You’ve lived with them… I mean, you’ve lived with them for a long time. You know me as well.  What do you think? Are we different people? Do we have similarities?”

Konul put an old photo she had found while throwing away old things in front of Rustam: “I found this photo a few years ago while throwing away old things. I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away, so I kept it.” 

“I didn’t know about this either,” Samir said, peering at the photo and trying to see. 

“Do you remember when it was taken?”

Samir looked closely and, though he didn’t remember at first, eventually said, “Yes. We were celebrating Gadir's first birthday. They had Polaroids, brought to take a group photo as a keepsake. Look, this is Vagif, and this is Rita,’ he said, showing the picture. ‘You haven’t changed at all,’ he said, looking at Konul.

“I’ve aged, how can you say I haven’t changed?”

“He’s right, you really haven’t changed much,” Rustam confirmed.

“Have you arranged a day and place to meet? What’s your plan?”

“We don’t have a plan. We haven’t spoken since summer. We’re waiting for the war to end so that things can calm down. We’ll see after that. If you agree, we can meet in a country.”

“When the war end, we’ll see,” he said, standing up. “But until that day, this topic shouldn’t be discussed. No one should know.”

Nodding, both of them indicated that they agreed with Rustam’s condition. Rustam didn’t leave his room that day. Even though he was called for lunch, he said he didn’t want to eat and stayed in his room. Gadir came after work. He had already talked to Samir on the phone about what happened yesterday, so he was aware of everything. Samir didn’t think Gadir would accept it so easily. For some reason, he expected the most reaction from him and thought he would cause problems. But Gadir waited without saying anything and then started to show concern for Rustam. On some days, he would text him to check in, but in no case did he ask him about this topic. Was he waiting for the right time to talk, or was he afraid to talk? Even he didn’t know. The only thing he knew was that his feelings for Rustam remained the same. It didn’t matter to him whether he was an adopted child or from another nationality.

When he got home, it was already late, so he couldn’t go back. Due to the military situation, it was forbidden to go out after 9 PM. So, he spoke with Vafa and said he would stay the night here. This was actually just an excuse. If he wanted, he could have come earlier, talked, and left, but in that case, he would have had to talk briefly. But he hadn’t yet decided what to say, so he needed to buy time. He didn’t have a specific question to ask Rustam; he just wanted to see how his thoughts had changed. He wanted to make sure that the person in front of him was still his brother Rustam. After having dinner together, he went to his room. The fact that the topic wasn’t discussed during dinner made Gadir uneasy. He expected them to seek his opinion, to find out what he thought.

Rustam was busy with his phone. Gadir, however, was looking for an excuse to start the conversation. “If you hold it in any longer, you’re going to explode,” Rustam smiled.

“What?”

“If you want to say something, just say it.”

“Actually, I don’t have anything to say; I just wanted to know what you were thinking.”

“I’m not thinking anything. When the war end, we’ll meet, and then we’ll think again.”

“What if they suddenly ask you to go with them? What will happen then?”

“What would you want?”

“That’s a tough question,” he smiles, “If it were at another time, I would say ‘yes’ without hesitation. If you go, we won’t be able to see you again. If you stay, what will happen, I don’t know. We are not the only ones living in this country.”

“For me, what makes this country, this city dear are you. My friends, my childhood, my memories. Do you remember, once you were dating a girl from school? You met in the yard, and you left me at the gate to let you know if someone came. Her brother came from the back and caught you. He brought the kids along too.”

Gadir smiles, embarrassed. He plays with his ear with his hand. “They were beating me, and you were watching me from afar. Then you stepped in to help me and got yourself beaten up too,” he says.

“Bruises and marks on our body didn’t go away for days. Luckily, no one at home found out. We were lucky they didn’t punch us in the face We moaned in pain and went to sleep.’

Though they had much to say to each other, Gadir wasn’t very good at showing his feelings. Rustam always teased him about how he managed his relationship with Vafa. 

“I told Narmin,” Rustam said.

“When? Why did you tell her?” Gadir jumped from his seat and stood in front of Rustam.

“I wanted to talk to someone and share my troubles. I thought Narmin would listen to me and understand.”

Gadir raised his right eyebrow. It wasn’t hard to guess what happened.

“At first, she didn’t believe it, thought I was joking, then she thought I was saying it to break up with her. I talked, and she listened. She got up without saying anything and left. I didn’t text her for an hour, and when I wanted to, I saw that it wouldn’t go through, she had already deleted my name.”

“I wish you hadn’t told her. Especially not now. If she tells someone, what will happen? You’ll create problems for yourself, and no one will be able to save you.”

“I don’t think she’ll do it. She’ll consider it a problem for herself too. She’ll be afraid that something might happen to her as well. One reason she left was because of that, and the other was that she couldn’t bear the thought of being in a relationship with an Armenian.’

“Maybe it’s for the best. You saw it from the start.”

“I understand her. I shouldn’t have expected her to be self-sacrificing when I was already thinking about it myself.”

Rustam’s phone rang. Gadir, concerned about a call coming late at night, looked over at the phone. It was Elkhan, Rustam’s classmate. Feeling reassured since he knew him, he returned to his place. Rustam answered the phone, listened, and occasionally said, ‘When?’, ‘Okay,’ and ‘We’ll stay in touch,’ then put the phone down and stared at the first object that caught his eye. He didn’t want to answer Gadir’s ‘What was he saying?’ question. If he talked, he would cry. Pulling himself together, he responded, "There was Ali from the group. You’ve seen him a few times. He said that his brother died in the war. Tomorrow, we'll all gather and go there. Come along," he said.

"If you don't want to, you don't have to go."

"Why not?"

Gadir couldn't answer.

"I knew the kid. He wasn't a bad person.  Even though his attitude annoyed me, you could tell he didn't have bad intentions.  Being the younger brother, he was always trying to prove himself, to show that he knew something too."

Gadir smiled. "That sounds familiar."

Rustam smiled, laid his head on the pillow, and drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 5

The news of the war's end was delivered not through discussions, but by a rocket. The whole city woke up to the sound of it. As they tried to figure out what had happened, they saw that the agreement had already been signed. With the news of the war's end, people poured into the streets that night to celebrate. Rustam was the only one awake at home that night. When the house shook the first time, he thought it was an earthquake. He got up, intending to wake everyone up and head to the yard, but the bright light and loud rumble from his window made him realize that a rocket had struck the city. Before any news about the rocket came out, they announced that the war had ended, and the agreement had been signed. On TV, the movie Babak was playing. It was a common practice on Azerbaijani television. Whenever an important event occurred, either before or instead of the announcement, they would broadcast the films Nasimi or Babak. This time, they used the film to buy time, and afterward officially declared that the war was over.

The next morning, no one went to work; instead, they went out to celebrate in the city. Everyone was out, celebrating the victory. Someone should have stepped up and conducted a survey. What percentage of people knew the history of this conflict? How many knew the history of a conflict that caused so many deaths, separated people from their lands for years, extinguished hearths, and left families in tears?

Rustam got up in the morning, went to the city, and wandered among the people, trying to understand. War, revenge, victory—these concepts had always been vague to him, but now he saw things differently. He had to. If he went out into the square and told his story, would anyone listen and understand him? Would they beat him to death, saying, "You're an Armenian..."? Who would you blame for that? Someone would come up and say, "My brother died in the war, killed by an Armenian." And indeed, it was true; he was killed by "an Armenian." That Armenian's name, age, and face are unknown. Anonymous. Maybe that person didn’t even know who he had killed. If you asked, he would say, "I killed an Azerbaijani." He wouldn’t be lying; the person he killed was "an Azerbaijani." Maybe he didn’t even bother to check the name.

As days passed, the war began to fade from the public's attention. The call Samir received hinted at this too. Vagif was thrilled to learn the answer he had been waiting for from Aram. The longing of many years was about to end, and more importantly, the fear that he had dreaded hadn’t come true. The daily question, "What if Aram doesn’t want to meet with us, what if he rejects us?" had finally been answered. There was another question, but it wasn’t just the answer he feared—it was the question itself.

Even though Samir suggested that he go to Russia to meet with the friend who had mediated the meeting, Vagif refused the offer. He turned the topic into a political issue, saying, "Are we going to the culprit's home again?" Samir initially thought about his friend's fault, but then realized that Vagif meant something else, and he smiled. It didn’t matter to him. On the contrary, he believed that Russia was the force that brought them together. Without Russia, those years they spent together wouldn’t have existed. He would often resort to the argument, "We were unfortunate because the Russian government collapsed" whenever the topic of war came up. They agreed that meeting in the capital of the Caucasus would be the best solution as a Caucasian. Poor Georgians, as if their own troubles weren’t enough, they would always host two neighbors as well. Because of this, it could even be said that Georgians are more hospitable.

Gadir was adamant about not going. More accurately, he was afraid of Rustam changing his mind once there and staying with them. He didn’t want to be there at that time. Despite Samir and Konul insisting, he refused to go and stood his ground. After Rustam came and talked, he relaxed and accepted the proposal. He agreed to the suggestion, thinking he would return with them. Later, he had to discuss the situation with Vafa, but he didn’t want to tell her himself. He called her home and left it to Samir to handle. As one of the authors of the story, it was better for him to speak. Gadir's reaction might have been harsher, but since she would be unable to do so to Samir, she would have to remain calm.

Although Vafa was not initially willing to go, she had to agree due to the pressure from Gadir and Konul. Gadir and Konul had turned this meeting into a fight. They believed they could have an impact on Rustam there. For them, Rustam wanted to stay, and that idea shouldn’t change. If he saw Vagif and Rita there and was swayed by their sweet talk, he might want to stay with them. Samir was weak in this regard. He didn’t have the strength to rescue Rustam from them.

As they approached the airport, the excitement grew. They had no idea what awaited them. They were about to meet people they hadn’t seen for years, and also hand over their Aram. As they passed through customs, Konul briefly wanted to turn back and run. She was standing next to Rustam when the customs officer called out "Mr. Rustam" and checked his passport. She was overwhelmed with sadness, feeling that Rustam was no longer Rustam, that he had lost his Rustam-ness and would never be Rustam again. Was there still a Rustam on the other side of the border?

At Tbilisi airport, Vagif and Rita met them. Konul, who had not let go of Rustam’s arm since they disembarked, was now distancing herself from him as they left the airport. Realizing that all the plans she had made with Gadir had failed, she came to terms with her defeat.

At the airport exit, Samir and Vagif recognized each other and hugged, celebrating their reunion. Years of longing, strong friendship. Though Konul and Rita were on good terms, they weren’t planning to approach or meet. Vagif hadn’t changed much. He had a beard, and his hair had turned gray. Rita had changed a lot. Konul remembered her as shorter, but standing next to Konul, Rita was taller, and despite trying to recall the past, Konul couldn’t remember it clearly and dismissed it from her mind. There were more important matters.

Although Samir and Vagif initially spoke in Russian, they switched to Azerbaijani later. Neither Rustam nor Gadir and Vafa knew Russian. Vagif and then Rita met with Konul. After stepping away from Konul, they looked at Rustam. Their eyes were filled with tears, but neither of them could bring themselves to embrace him. The moment they had dreamed of for years had arrived, but they couldn’t hug their son standing before them.

Rita approached, gently stroking Rustam’s face with her hand and looked at him. How he had grown, how his appearance had changed. Though she said “my son” in Armenian, Rustam didn’t understand what she was saying. “How are you, Aram?”

Though the woman standing before him was his own mother, she seemed very unfamiliar. Had the woman who had been a mother to him for a lifetime not been outside, he might have wanted to embrace her and say “mother". Rita couldn’t hold back and embraced her Aram, holding him tightly. Rustam, meanwhile, did nothing but surrender himself to her, placing his hands on her shoulders and gently touching her. Samir and Konul merely watched this scene. Though Gadir felt emotional, he couldn’t distinguish if his feelings were due to his brother’s joy or out of fear. Later, Vagif also met with them, and they headed to the hotel together.

Gadir and Vafa would stay in one room, Samir and Konul in another, and they had booked a single room for Rustam. Vafa, having forgotten Rustam, was relieved they hadn’t brought Sabina with them and was planning outings. Gadir didn’t seem very enthusiastic about this. By the end of the day, they would gather for dinner, the first time they would all come together. The real mingling would start then. Until then, they had agreed to settle into their rooms and rest.

Rustam's first impression for his family was good. Although he didn’t pay much attention to their faces, he thought he looked more like his mother. From his mother’s face, the years of longing and the mark left by separation was truly visible. Vagif didn’t hide this as well.

At mealtime, they all got ready and went down together. Vagif and Rita arrived earlier and were waiting at the head of the table. Both of them had a glow in their eyes. They greeted them in Azerbaijani with “Welcome once again, please have a seat,” then took their own seats. The hotel employee was a woman in her 40s. Although there were two men at the entrance, this woman dealt mostly with the customers. She greeted them, noted their food orders, placed Georgian drinks and wine on the table, and then stepped away.

Vagif poured first for Samir, then for himself, and turned to the women. 

“You don’t drink as far as I remember,” he said to Konul. 

Konul smiled in the “no” sense and thanked him. 

“And you?” he asked, turning to Gadir and Rustam. Although both would normally drink, they thanked him and declined in respect to their fathers.

Vagif raised his glass and began speaking:

“First of all, welcome to all of you. I am grateful that you accepted my invitation and came,” he said, pausing. The food had arrived, so he took a one-minute break so the waitress would finish the service before continuing. Rustam was struck by Vagif's fluent Azerbaijani. Although Vagif hadn’t lived in Azerbaijan for many years and likely hadn’t spoken to anyone there, his Azerbaijani was still fluent. From an outsider’s perspective, one couldn’t tell whether he was Azerbaijani or from another nationality.

“…Yes, what did I speak about? Welcome to all of you. I would have liked for this meeting to be in my hometown, but unfortunately, due to the calamity that brought us here and kept us apart for years, our meeting was delayed. Though delayed, the important thing is that it happened. Rita is here; she can confirm that I often talked about you and about us reuniting whenever I sat and chatted. It’s a pleasure for me to see you here. I don’t know how to express my feelings, what to say—believe me, I don’t know. The main thing is that we are together again, we have reunited, and there’s no longer any danger,” he said, pausing. Saying "I’ll continue in a bit," Vagif clinked his glass with Samir's and raised it to the sky. The others at the table raised their glasses filled with water and joined in.

It was Samir’s turn to offer a toast. Even though he didn’t have much to say from the heart, reuniting with an old friend after such a long time and having a few drinks would help him speak. 

"I also want to say welcome to you all," he said, turning towards Rita, then looking at Vagif. "I won’t dwell on how many years it has been since we last met and get mull numbers. Numbers are our enemies. They eat away at our lives, and if they aren’t satisfied, they also share in our joy. I remember… the day we saw you off. It wasn’t snowing, but there was a terrible frost in the air. We were planning and looking for someone to help you get going. Trusting people was also a challenge at that time. Then we found a car that would take you part of the way, and you would have to catch another one after that. It was a very difficult time. Of course, you experienced it more directly, so you would express it better. I can only make a guess.” After a brief pause, he continued, “Perhaps we experienced the same frost and fear when coming here. You might say, ‘Well, what did you do?  You took a plane and arrived. ’It’s not quite like that. Rustam… let me call him Rustam, he is our Rustam. We lived with the fear of not seeing Rustam again this time. Only I, and Konul, know what we went through from your first call to me until today. After you left, he wasn’t just a child we were entrusted with, but our own child, and still is. Today, as I experience the joy of reuniting you, I also share in the sadness of it. Don’t misunderstand me, but I’m actually glad that he stayed with us, that he lived with us. We don’t know what will happen to us, and I think there’s no need to think about it. If the future were so important, they would have told us. The important thing is today. We live for today. That’s why we should drink to today. Let’s be together again, just like in the past,” he said, wiping a tear from his eye, smiling, and clinking his glass first with Vagif’s, then raising it up.

After dinner, Vagif and Samir continued with their drinks and conversation. Rita and Konul, on the other hand, took Rustam and went up to their room. Although Konul initially wanted to leave them alone, seeing Rustam and Rita’s hesitance, she thought it was right to stay with them. Gadir had gone out to explore the city with Vafa.

Since Samir had talked to Vagif several times on the phone and mentioned Rustam, he tried not to repeat himself and instead shared different stories and events. Sometimes he spoke about their old neighborhoods and friends, saying what they were up to. When the conversation shifted to Gadir and Rustam’s circumcision celebration, Vagif’s mood soured. “Why did you have him circumcised?” he asked hesitantly. Samir said he had to do it. Everyone knew him as my child. If I hadn’t done it, what would they have said? Vagif mumbled and stopped. Smiling, he asked, “Were you afraid of him being called Armenian?” Although Vagif was Armenian, his life had been spent in Baku among Muslims. He knew that Muslims would either call circumcised children "Armenian" or "Russian.

When Samir asked Vagif about his thoughts on Baku, he saw his discomfort and didn’t want to prolong the conversation. 

“When you go back to Baku, would you want to visit?” he asked. 

“If I had the chance, I would like to come and visit. Baku is my hometown. I am from Baku, but if you ask me if I would live there, my answer would probably be no. There is nothing that keeps me there anymore. My relatives’ graves have even been torn down,” he said. 

In the upstairs room, Konul was having similar conversations with Rita, recounting Rustam’s childhood, memories, and the habits she still remembered. Some of these were new to Rustam even.

Rita held Rustam’s hands and stood in front of him.  “I understand what you’re feeling. Believe me, it’s not easy for me either. Seeing my son, whom I left as a baby, grown up and looking at each other as strangers is difficult for me too. We didn’t expect you to accept it easily. We just wanted to get to know you. You are my Aram, but you are also their Rustam. No matter how much we deny it, this is the reality,” she said, turning towards Konul. “You haven’t separated him from your child; I can feel it from his look at you. He calls you ‘mother,’ and he still doesn’t hesitate because you are his mother. So, I thank you for that. When I left Aram with you and went away, I cried a lot on the road. If I had the chance, I would have gone back to get him. After leaving, I fell ill. I was in distress for months. I was going crazy thinking about what Aram was doing, how you were taking care of him, whether someone came and took him from you. I would see it in my dreams at night. Years passed, and Aram wasn’t growing up. I couldn’t imagine who he would resemble as he grew up. Each year, my sorrow increased a little more. He would call you ‘mother’ and hug you as ‘mother.’ Then, even though we wanted another child, we had none… Aram had reached school age. I imagined him going to school. I wondered what kind of girl he would like. Would he go to university? Forgive me, but the anxiety and lack of trust inside me wouldn’t let me be at ease. Even though Vagif comforted me, he was afraid too,” she said, pausing.

Rita took a picture from her bag and handed it to Aram. “We took this picture when you were newly born.  Although we took an album with us when we left home, it got lost in a bag at the station when we were going to Russia. This was the only picture left of you." He took the picture in her hand and looked at it. Although there were pictures from his childhood at home, there was nothing from this age. He looked at himself and smiled. Rustam went to his room, lay down on the bed, and began to piece together and analyze his experiences. Noticing that his headache had worsened significantly, he decided to go to sleep. When he woke up, it was morning. He was awakened by Gadir knocking on the door. He opened the door, told him he would be coming down after a shower, and sent him away. In the bathroom, he turned on the water and stood under the shower. After drying off, he looked at himself in the mirror. Who was the person he saw in the mirror? Was it Rustam or Aram? Which one did he want to be? Perhaps it didn’t matter to him which one he became, but choosing one could deny the other’s right. Could he be both simultaneously? Would they allow that?

He dressed and went downstairs. Everyone was waiting for him. He smiled and took his place at the table. Everyone at this table was familiar to him, and to make them happy, he first needed to appear happy himself.

After dinner, at Vagif's suggestion, the three of them went out to the city together. They wanted to spend time together as a family for the first time. No one objected to this proposal, as they wanted them to have the opportunity for personal conversations. By the end of the day, they had returned, chatting and laughing. They had managed to bond with Aram as much as they could.

Although they had the opportunity to spend 2-3 more days together, the time had come to leave. Rita and Vagif accompanied them to the airport. During the farewell, Aram hugged them and said goodbye. This was an important message for them. Their Aram would no longer be separated from them. They might be in different countries, but they could see him again whenever they wanted.

“Aram is entrusted to you. He is returning to his hometown, Baku. His home is there; we were just separated from our home. One day, we’ll meet again in Baku if fate allows, or maybe in another city, or right here,” they said as they hugged each other. After hugging Gadir and Vafa, the time had come to say goodbye. "Protect my son," Rita exclaimed. Aram waved and passed through customs. They moved forward, looking back, and then disappeared from sight.

For them, the story was not over yet, it could even be said that it was just beginning.